Something about love

by Ruby

I have a dear friend, R, who was with me in one of the most painful moments of my life. She was in another city, but talking to her made me feel that I could survive that experience and go on. Another time, when she was visiting me, I was talking, and somehow got caught up in a stream of angst and confusion. In the midst of this, she just suddenly threw her arms around me and gave me a huge, strong hug. Suddenly I felt reassured and calmed in a way I don’t think I would have felt if she’d talked to me for hours without touching me.

I remember another friend, C, telling me that the guy she was dating at the time would always come closer to her and stay nearby, physically, when she was angry or upset. I know that my own impulse when angry or in the presence of anger is often to move away, both physically and emotionally. And it’s true that sometimes what the situation needs is space and the possibility to cool and decompress. But the opposite has the potential to be courageous and healing in a different way. (I’m not talking here, of course, of putting oneself in the way of violence or abuse.)

Sometimes words are the shortest path for love… sometimes touch, sometimes presence.

I am learning to look for love, and to offer it. I think this is a worthy practice and one that I need.